someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
