I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
