you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
