I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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