I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize