I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
