A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
