and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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