i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
