I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
