We named our party play list daddy issues
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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