If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize