it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
