it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
