just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
