Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize