You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
