After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she told me i tasted like america
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
