What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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