Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
