If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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