then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
