My nipple is on Facebook.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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