We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
