I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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