yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
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