just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
