I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize