I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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