We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
