Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
