Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hippo gnu deer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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