i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
