Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
