I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
