i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
