Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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