i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
