Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
