I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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