i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Girls should come with a carfax report
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So much rum. So many feels.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
