I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
