dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
