i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
