Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
