DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
