New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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