dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
