Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
