how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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