you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
