im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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