Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm passing your future prison.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
