I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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