Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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