Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
