I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
