so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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