on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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