i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
