Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
