Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
