You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
