You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
