The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
