I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
