Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
