I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
