R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
