Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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