i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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