Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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