I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
