My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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