He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
