it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
