I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
