so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
high people should be assigned attendants
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
