I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
