you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
